July 22, 2013
Just before bed last night a stabbing pain took over in the
back of my knee. It was so bad I could barely move my leg. For the first time
since the accident, I took a pain reliever stronger than the Ibuprofen I’ve
been using on and off. Once I was settled into bed and got my leg propped up, the
pain was just too much to handle and I began to cry. Richard brought me ice and suggested that
it was probably the popliteal cyst, or Baker’s Cyst, that partially ruptured
due to the trauma. I looked it up online and have all of the symptoms. Holy
shit is it painful! I was afraid to move because I didn’t want to stir it up any
further. I slept in one position all night and never budged.
This morning, the pain had subsided just enough to be able
to move out to the couch. I wasn’t able to go to my office/dojo with Richard
and help with the first day of this week’s summer camp. That really frustrates
me. I’m always there on Mondays to sign kids in, collect payments and talk to
parents. I’m getting fed up with feeling like half a person.
So, I sat on the couch with my leg elevated to help relieve the pain. I got some work done for The Back Rub Company and am now,
more-than-ever, grateful that I have the ability to run my company from
anywhere.
In between work and organizing mail, I watched a couple of
documentaries. One was about the UFC fighter, Anderson Silva. It was an interesting
film that followed him through his career and his preparation to fight Chael
Sonnen. The very last part of the film showed Silva in the back of an ambulance
getting his vitals checked. He said something that really resonated. He said, “No
one will hit you harder than life itself. It doesn’t matter how you hit back.
It’s about how much you can take, and keep fighting, how much you can suffer
and keep moving forward. That’s how you win.”
I’m realizing that something deeper is happening
than just the physical damage of a torn acl. That is just the catalyst moving
me towards the bigger picture. Is it to trust in my abilities? Gain more
confidence? Be more flexible and not so ‘stuck’ in how things should be? Maybe
it’s a blend of all those things. I have a feeling that I’ll find out soon
enough though.
The pain in the back of my knee has been pretty consistent
throughout the entire day. I thought an Epsom salt bath would help. My leg has
been in full extension for about a week now and it’s felt very stiff. I know I’m
not supposed to be doing a lot of flexion and extension but I just felt like I
had to bend it. Any Physical Therapist would probably tell me I’m senseless but
it had to be done. Once my muscles had loosened up from the bath, I was
able to bend my knee to about 50% flexion. That is a HUGE accomplishment considering
I could barely bend it to 20% a couple days ago. I know this sounds cheesy but
I started to cry. It was a good cry that reestablished my point from Thursday –
every difficult stage of life is temporary and whether it’s physical,
emotional, mental or spiritual, it will always pass.
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